Out of all fears that we have witnessed in our lives, one is fear of abandonment wherein some things don’t even appear like a fear yet they run deep within us like instincts — but more on a primordial level. Even when we don’t seem to remember the base reason, there is a deep longing to connect with something or someone out there.
It has much to do with our separation from the source, the farther we go, the heavier this separation grows on us. Similarly, the closer we move to the source, the intense the need for a union becomes. Abandonment and separation both influence similar kind of feelings in us, yet they both carry a different kind of powers. Abandonment is what we perceive as an action from outside, which very well might not be the case. Whereas, separation is a clear distinction that a change has occurred because of the involvement of our choice.
Abandonment unknowingly rises up the feelings of being cheated on, anger, mistrust, passive or direct aggression, and so on.
To add further, everyone absorbs the same experience in different contexts.
Like a two way stream, when we rise up our spiritual path, we start to shed the darker aspects of this same old fear because we realize that rising above is our choice. We are responsible for our journey back homes. A true yogi keeps losing the sense of separation because he knows it is just an illusion. But, a person who hasn’t yet walked this path, or currently walking towards the opposite side, he tends to feel a deep attachment to his fears. Whenever he would be asked to be courageous to step above them, it would often lead to anger or plain apathy.
We, as humanity, have been living in this extreme stage of abandonment for a long time. And that often gets multiplied when we choose this as one of, or, totally the subject of our life lesson. When we are left alone, rejected, or made feel lonely in our earlier stages of personality development, we, as a child, recognize this feeling even when we could never make sense of it. It tends to take ownership of our mental homes if not dealt with on time.
A lot of us carry some sad songs within us which, from time to time, ring in our heads and overwhelm our hearts. Ever wondered why sometimes we end up chasing the outside world for acceptance even when we believe in ourselves? Something must be there in our forgotten memories that don’t want to be rejected.
Because rejection is painful and pain is not a very pleasant experience at that moment.
Even though there are infinite ways to deal with the same old fear, and several manage to come across some, a lot of us don’t really know how to acknowledge it in the first place.
Often times, there is a strong denial or a foggy layer in between that.
We will know the fear of abandonment is hiding behind denial when we think straight NO for introspecting self for the reasons of fear of abandonment. Why? Because by this point we have perfectly crafted our victimized story that how someone else is the reason for it. The blame continues to travel outside.
And, we will know that it is lack of mental clarity, a strange fogginess, that seem to cloud the basic judgments when we start living on either automation or extreme frustration. We want to reach the reason yet we keep circling the same dot. Here, more than the victimization, a game of push and pull is played.
And, within their differences, healing emerges.
PART 1 — continued…